Why oh why are you doing this?

I read this Op-Ed piece and decided that I wasn’t seeing enough panic out there. I mean, run out of water? Seriously? That’s just f–ed up, dude.

But on the other hand, what are you going to do? Take shorter showers? Oh yeah, good job cutting your evening spritz down to 30 minutes. If this drought keeps going, it won’t matter if you shower with a spray bottle, there will someday be NO WATER.

People need to be made aware! But how? I looked at my budget and ruled out a prime-time media blitz. I would have to do it the OLD FASHIONED WAY. So I went back in time and stole a mimeograph machine from a local high school, which I don’t know how to work so instead I used it to threaten a child until he gave me his crayons, which I used to draw up some very pretty flyers to hand out to the good citizens of Los Angeles on a corner in Hollywood.

But apparently no one takes you seriously when you hand out hand-printed flyers in crayon in Hollywood because everyone was so busy handing me their flyers so I decided that I would go where everyone takes everything too seriously:

The internet.

I can feel my internet “cred” rising even as you read this, which sounds kind of dirty, sorry about that. Having a blog is legit.

As I see it, one of three things will happen:

1. Los Angeles runs out of water, creating a huge. . . uh, mess that cascades through all levels of society everywhere across this country and the world!! (scary)
2. It rains (or snows) a lot. (damp)
3. The December 2015 expiration date for Los Angeles’ water supply comes and goes and nothing really changes. (….)

In any of these scenarios, I won’t really need to keep posting past the end of next year. As I have a fear of commitment, that sort of definite expiration date appeals to me.

So welcome to my legit. I hope someday alien archeaologists will uncover it (I’m going to print out a copy on my mimeograph machine) and squeak at each other in their terrible, dissonant alien language that here. . . here was a man of vision.

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