It’s OK, everyone! I’m alive! I know you were worried.
Posted: November 13, 2014 Filed under: Los Angeles will dry up | Tags: bugging out, dirt, drought, future, guns, water, whee! Leave a commentWow. What a week.
I haven’t been able to get to my computer to post here for a few days because I was living a crazy adventure.
It started when some of my neighbors and I decided to dig a well in our apartment building. We were digging away, singing work songs like the Seven Dwarves when we uncovered a map that was covered in strange writing.
We took it to a scholar to have it translated for us.
But he was napping, so we just got a few more friends and did the best we could to figure it out. We were underground, and only had a few crappy candles to light our way.
The strange writing turned out to be Spanish, an exotic foreign language that you’ve probably never heard of. One of my neighbors, whom we call “Mouth,” did the best he could to translate. The map was leading us to the treasure of a nefarious pirate named “One-Eyed Willie,” which is an astoundingly phallic name.
“Eww.”
We found a lot of brightly lit caves and this bucket.
“I think we should split the bucket 6 ways.”
In the end, we gave up on our adventure because we couldn’t figure out how to divide the bucket. But at least we got the well dug– Oh wait. Never mind.
So I was gone for a while looking for a One-Eyed Willie, but now I am back, unlike Chester Copperpot.
So what’d I miss? Oh right! The state of California continues to dry up. Not only that, but people have become dirty dirty thieves.
That’s right, it’s total lawlessness here now. The lack of water has driven people mad with thirst and we’re all riding dusty horses and shooting each other down in the street in front of the saloon. I should probably get a gun.
I guess it would be inevitable, right? How about this one:
Desperate people will do desperate things. I’m especially sad for the poor defenseless hydrants that are being so enthusiastically plundered.
But not everyone is a jerk. Remember these?
I actually saw a couple of these in the wild. I wanted to get a picture but I was too busy driving my car.
Stupid car.
Do you remember rain? Yeah, that was cool.
Posted: October 10, 2014 Filed under: Los Angeles will dry up, Visions of Future Los Angeles | Tags: drought, future, sand, whee! Leave a commentMore good news for the wine grapes of California. The state is expected to not get rained on this fall. This is a good article, except for the intense depression that results from reading it, but still you know, well written.
Also it’s got an awesome Dry Lake Bed Porn slideshow at the top of the page. You haven’t seen a floating dock sitting on dry cracked mud until you’ve seen it shot by an artist. Seriously, though, it’s good. Again, except for the depression.
In other news, this is what my neighborhood currently looks like
There’s a Whole Foods behind that second dune.
I’m kidding of course. The humidity in the above photo is way too high.
LOS ANGELES IS DOOMED!!! 